I have seen you go viral over the last twenty-four hours. There are a great number of people singing your praises, and there are a great number of people condemning you.
You saw your son, a 16 year old man sized person, standing in a group of others, assaulting police officers. The tensions were high, the danger was massive, and you were scared and outraged.
I am sure that seeing your son in the midst of that crowd was very surprising to you. It could not have been easy seeing your adult sized offspring acting violently towards an officer of the law. I imagine that with all of the violence occurring around your son, it must have been so frightening, and I can imagine frantically thanking the Lord that he was not harmed.
Your actions towards your son spoke of a frightened and overwhelmed mother. Some criticize those actions.....However, I commend you for taking action. Instead of encouraging your son to act violently towards the men and women out there trying to uphold the law and protect us, you took action. Instead of being an absent parent, ignoring your son, you stepped up to stop him in his tracks. Instead of being one of the "parents" out there hooked on drugs instead of being involved in their kids' lives, you found your son, and rescued him.
The people out there saying that your actions were not the answer do not give an answer as to what exactly you should have done that would have been effective. Should you have casually walked up to your son, had a lengthy discussion as to why his actions were dangerous, and then calmly asked him to leave? Amidst such violent chaos? I don't suppose that would have been received well.
Should you have let your son continue his violence towards police, and then waited until he came home (if he came home and didn't get killed in action), to address his misbehavior out of the public eye?
I'm not sure what those nay-sayers would deem an appropriate response, but I can say this. In a day when children have been taught to be self absorbed, to not be punished when they commit crimes, and in a world where people are flocking to terrorist organizations.....I say thank you. Thank you for stepping in and keeping your son from becoming a statistic, a prisoner, a young victim of the violence.
We have people who jump at the chance, any chance to destroy others' property and steal from local businesses. We have teenagers who think it's great to pour urine all over special needs class mates. We have a generation of young people who lack respect for authority.
So, were your actions mother-of-the-year actions....no, but hey, I'm no mother of the year myself. Were your actions just that...ACTION...
YES!
You took action to get your son out of that situation. Who are we to say that you could have approached it any other way?
I say thank you for being an active parent.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Inspired by Glory
Six months ago, there was this little girl in Africa. She was considered a toddler by age, yet she could not sit up alone. She could not physically hold her head up. She is an orphan (but only for a little while longer), and she has hydrocephalus. There is fluid around her brain that is not absorbed/drained properly by her body.
She needs surgery.
This little girl was thought to be without hope. Many couples were informed of her plight, yet the thought of a toddler who could not hold her head up, was not something they wanted to undertake.
She's not just any little girl though! She's going to be our little girl, and she can not only sit up on her own...but.....
She is STANDING!!!! Yes, we received an update this week, and in two different pictures, Miss Glory is standing!!!! No, she has not had her surgery yet, she's just amazing!
Yes, I do think she is pretty amazing, and I can just see her running around here being a ballerina with her sisters. What an amazing spirit she has to be so self motivating, to be able to physically overcome her barriers as she is. I can't wait to smooch on this baby girl!
Friday, April 24, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
News! Updates! A Special Pic!
Our adoption is going along as well as can be hoped for. It's hard to believe that just over three weeks ago, I was told about this beautiful little girl in Africa. We are currently wrapping up our home study update, and I have almost all of my dossier prepped and ready for the apostille seal. Unfortunately, it cannot be completed until after we have our USCIS appointment, fingerprints, etc. So, who knows how long that will take.
Please pray that it will be expedient. My heart is aching to bring this little sweetheart home, hold her in my arms, and just be alert to her health.
Glory has hydrocephalus. Usually when babies are born with this "fluid on the brain" they are whisked into surgery early on for a shunt that would redirect the fluid. She hasn't had her surgery yet.....I'm so nervous for her to have it. I know that there is a risk of infection or malfunction after the surgery, and I just feel like she needs her momma there to watch over her.
Thankfully, she has the best Protector watching over her. He is better than I am.
She is also diagnosed with global developmental delay, but let me tell you, she is a determined little peanut. We were told that last October she couldn't sit up by herself........well.....
Just take a look at this little bit of awesomeness!
That's right! Not only is she sitting up on her own, but she's pulling herself up into a standing position!!!! That is big, especially without having had the surgery she needs yet. She's determined. My heart melts. Look at that little person. I can't wait to have her home.
I have set up a Facebook page (HERE) for updates, fundraising, etc. Please go and join, get in on the know, and see another cute picture of our baby girl!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Dear Child in Government Housing
This is a letter to all of you young people living in government housing. I want to write to you, I want to tell you how much you are worth. I want to tell you a lot of things.
There is a stigma about living in those apartments. It is a giant advertisement that your family falls into certain poverty guidelines. When the bus pulls up, everyone seems to know everything about you.
You know what?
That's okay.
You see, it only matters that you hold your head high. It only matters that you conduct yourself in a loving, honest, and peaceful way. While many people will see your home, if your inner light shines, they will soon forget the outside. That inside light truly blinds.
I write this to you as someone who has been there. So I know. I know what it is like to feel subconscious about telling someone your address. I know what it is like to have a chaotic home life, a life that isolates, and makes you feel like you can never open up to anyone. I know the feelings of shame. But, you don't have to let it get you down. You don't have to become a statistic. You are worth more than your surroundings.
If I could go back to my fourteen year old self here is what I'd say:
That is what I would go back and say to myself. This is what I want to say to you. I spent a lot of time thinking I needed to dress skimpy, because it was a way to draw attention. I thought it was good attention, but let me tell you, it wasn't. It was only a way to connect myself to evil desires. It wasn't a way to build myself, but instead to ultimately cheapen myself.
Sometimes there is a lot of hurt inside the walls of government housing. However, I want you to know, there is hurt inside the walls of every home. Everyone suffers, it is human nature, the sin self is not immune due to economic status. You are not alone in your pain, everyone has pain, don't let it win over you.
Please see yourself the way I see you. Know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made in the eyes of God. Don't let anyone ever tell you that it isn't true. I promise you it is.
Above all child, know that you do not have to be a statistic. Your high school biology teacher might tell you that you regardless of your 4.0 GPA, you will never get into the college you have your eyes set on. Your parent might tell you that you are worthless. Your friend's parents might call you a bad influence, solely based on your residence and confused emotion driven behavior.
I got into that school. I am worth something to God, my devoted husband, and my children. I am not a bad influence. I spend my life dedicated to advocating for orphans, for the needy, for the sick, to being a good mom and wife, and to showing just how amazing our God is.
I have worth.....
YOU have worth and it does not revolve around your surroundings!
There is a stigma about living in those apartments. It is a giant advertisement that your family falls into certain poverty guidelines. When the bus pulls up, everyone seems to know everything about you.
You know what?
That's okay.
You see, it only matters that you hold your head high. It only matters that you conduct yourself in a loving, honest, and peaceful way. While many people will see your home, if your inner light shines, they will soon forget the outside. That inside light truly blinds.
I write this to you as someone who has been there. So I know. I know what it is like to feel subconscious about telling someone your address. I know what it is like to have a chaotic home life, a life that isolates, and makes you feel like you can never open up to anyone. I know the feelings of shame. But, you don't have to let it get you down. You don't have to become a statistic. You are worth more than your surroundings.
If I could go back to my fourteen year old self here is what I'd say:
Kisha, you are not a victim of circumstance. Don't let people judge you by the life you have, beyond what you can control. You be kind, even when they are not. You believe that Jesus died for you, that you have a Heavenly Father. Your own father may call you ugly names, he might tell you that your worth is little, but your Heavenly Father believes your price is far above rubies! Don't try to escape your life with drugs and alcohol. It isn't really an escape. It's a trap. You will lose yourself from one misery into another one, it will ruin your life, and cost you even more than you can imagine. It will not show you love. Choose love. Even if you get hurt. Choose to the good fight. Fight above the nay-sayers. Fight above the circumstances. Seek out help. I promise you there is someone who wants to help you. Seek Jesus, even if times are tough, know that in the end, this life is just a blink. Your life will never be a fairy tale, and those families you see at church, the ones with the mom and dad very involved....those families have troubles also. Your worth is not in your house, your clothes, your family, your hair, your skin, your job. It's not in your body, nor how much of it you show. Your worth is in your heart and soul. Never ever compromise your spirit by the allure of escape and evil, it isn't worth it.
That is what I would go back and say to myself. This is what I want to say to you. I spent a lot of time thinking I needed to dress skimpy, because it was a way to draw attention. I thought it was good attention, but let me tell you, it wasn't. It was only a way to connect myself to evil desires. It wasn't a way to build myself, but instead to ultimately cheapen myself.
Sometimes there is a lot of hurt inside the walls of government housing. However, I want you to know, there is hurt inside the walls of every home. Everyone suffers, it is human nature, the sin self is not immune due to economic status. You are not alone in your pain, everyone has pain, don't let it win over you.
Please see yourself the way I see you. Know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made in the eyes of God. Don't let anyone ever tell you that it isn't true. I promise you it is.
Above all child, know that you do not have to be a statistic. Your high school biology teacher might tell you that you regardless of your 4.0 GPA, you will never get into the college you have your eyes set on. Your parent might tell you that you are worthless. Your friend's parents might call you a bad influence, solely based on your residence and confused emotion driven behavior.
I got into that school. I am worth something to God, my devoted husband, and my children. I am not a bad influence. I spend my life dedicated to advocating for orphans, for the needy, for the sick, to being a good mom and wife, and to showing just how amazing our God is.
I have worth.....
YOU have worth and it does not revolve around your surroundings!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Can We Talk?
I'm sitting here in my house, modest by American standards, a mansion by many country standards. I get to sip my coffee with a full belly, as I meditate on the information rolling around wildly in my head. How can I grasp this concept? How can we be so blind?
In Sub-Saharan Africa, there are 56 million orphans! That is shocking, but can I tell you what shocks me more? That 27% of those poor children are orphaned by HIV.
Out of the nearly 150 million orphans world wide, it is said that more orphans are in Ethiopia than any other country.
Are you kidding me? A country roughly twice the size of Texas is home to FIVE MILLION orphans. How can that be?
These are just statistics though, numbers of shock value, but not numbers that our minds can really be wholly wrapped around. It is just a nugget of truth to quickly tug at our heartstrings; before we go about our merry days filled with complaining, overindulgence, and overspending. I do not write that to induce guilt, only to put into perspective how we can be so wrapped up in our own small lives, that we can be blinded to a major crisis worldwide.
There are a dozen countries in which a quarter of their children are orphaned. That means an entire generation has been nearly wiped clean from existence. I can't imagine what that means to the youth. In America, we have social services, they step in when children are left unattended, uncared for, orphaned.
In Africa, there are not enough resources. There are not enough adults.
A two year old toddler could be living on a sidewalk, the roof of his childhood home is just a piece of tin and cardboard. His filthy bed a conglomeration of rags and plastic bags. When the rains come, he is told to lie down within the plastic bags, listening as his mother coughs violently from the tuberculosis that has ravaged her lungs. Her body weak from the virus that has ripped away her health, knowing her little boy, her sweet baby will soon be alone.....Her heart cannot bare the ache that knows he will be wondering the streets aimlessly, possibly trampled by the livestock that invade the streets, or worse....picked up by the evil ones. The ones that take children into the place to be used as sex slaves. How can she save him, who can she turn to?
Can we talk about the fact that this is a very common scenario in Africa? This little boy and his mother are but two of MILLIONS. And I am angry. I am angry that there is not global awareness really doing anything to help them. I am angry that I live in a state that worships college basketball, that spends half a million dollars just to recruit basketball players. People spark outrage against referees but turn a blind eye to the starving, the sick, the abandoned.
A majority of Ethiopians live off of $2 a day. Did you go out to dinner this month and spend more than $60 on just one meal? I know I did. Just 20% of them live off of $1 or less a day, and sometimes do not even get one meal.
Obesity in American costs $147 BILLION per year. I'm chunky myself, and I must admit, I'm saddened. How can this country spend 147 billion dollars a year for something that is most definitely preventable, because if it weren't, all of the people of Africa would be "suffering" as well.
So let's put that in perspective. In Africa, approximately every 13 SECONDS, someone dies from AIDS. In America, 90% of people with HIV can live their lives with the antiviral drugs they are routinely given. Do you know how much it would cost to help those in Africa? It is estimated that it would cost about $20 Billion per year to control the pandemic.
Wait...we spend $147 billion for obesity, but we could completely reform an entire country of dying, suffering, starving, with just $20 billion....
It gets worse. The world's richest countries contribute less than $5 billion each year. It is projected that our government wastes nearly $120 billion here. This makes me outraged. You have people rioting, standing in the streets, Al Sharpton yelling racial inequality....HELLO!
There is an entire country dying away. They are dying from starvation, lack of clean water, HIV, malaria, TB, and so much more. They are DYING. I've seen some very famous celebrities jumping on the bandwagon, preaching against inequality, driving around in a $250,000 car. A car. A piece of extremely overpriced machinery used to get a person from point A to point B.
I am angry that I see someone on television saying that they hate this country, they only see fat white people, and they feel more of a connection to their "home country" even though they weren't born there. YET, that person creates music to brag about their possessions, their useless pieces of excess, while the people of their home country lay in the streets watching their babies cry in hunger, to weak to hold them, lost and forgotten.....
Can we just talk about all of this?
Can we stop talking about the Kardashians; the blue dress or whatever color it is; the funny cat that does so many tricks; the pop star who bared all in a daring move; the crap generated by the propaganda machine that is created to condition our brains to seek the senseless information and ignore the horror that is happening in our world.
Can we talk about the fact that economies are crumbling, people are being trafficked as sex slaves in alarming numbers, mothers are dying while holding their babies, teenagers are being turned out into the streets with no hope, no guidance, no education, and no one to care about them. I am asked all of the time why we would want to adopt another child. It's because I care. We care. I do not have any special magic powers that enables me to be some kind of super mom, I don't have some secret trust fund, I don't have anything but a caring heart and a supportive husband and a BIG God.
Can we just talk about something real? Please....
In Sub-Saharan Africa, there are 56 million orphans! That is shocking, but can I tell you what shocks me more? That 27% of those poor children are orphaned by HIV.
Out of the nearly 150 million orphans world wide, it is said that more orphans are in Ethiopia than any other country.
Are you kidding me? A country roughly twice the size of Texas is home to FIVE MILLION orphans. How can that be?
These are just statistics though, numbers of shock value, but not numbers that our minds can really be wholly wrapped around. It is just a nugget of truth to quickly tug at our heartstrings; before we go about our merry days filled with complaining, overindulgence, and overspending. I do not write that to induce guilt, only to put into perspective how we can be so wrapped up in our own small lives, that we can be blinded to a major crisis worldwide.
There are a dozen countries in which a quarter of their children are orphaned. That means an entire generation has been nearly wiped clean from existence. I can't imagine what that means to the youth. In America, we have social services, they step in when children are left unattended, uncared for, orphaned.
In Africa, there are not enough resources. There are not enough adults.
A two year old toddler could be living on a sidewalk, the roof of his childhood home is just a piece of tin and cardboard. His filthy bed a conglomeration of rags and plastic bags. When the rains come, he is told to lie down within the plastic bags, listening as his mother coughs violently from the tuberculosis that has ravaged her lungs. Her body weak from the virus that has ripped away her health, knowing her little boy, her sweet baby will soon be alone.....Her heart cannot bare the ache that knows he will be wondering the streets aimlessly, possibly trampled by the livestock that invade the streets, or worse....picked up by the evil ones. The ones that take children into the place to be used as sex slaves. How can she save him, who can she turn to?
Can we talk about the fact that this is a very common scenario in Africa? This little boy and his mother are but two of MILLIONS. And I am angry. I am angry that there is not global awareness really doing anything to help them. I am angry that I live in a state that worships college basketball, that spends half a million dollars just to recruit basketball players. People spark outrage against referees but turn a blind eye to the starving, the sick, the abandoned.
A majority of Ethiopians live off of $2 a day. Did you go out to dinner this month and spend more than $60 on just one meal? I know I did. Just 20% of them live off of $1 or less a day, and sometimes do not even get one meal.
Obesity in American costs $147 BILLION per year. I'm chunky myself, and I must admit, I'm saddened. How can this country spend 147 billion dollars a year for something that is most definitely preventable, because if it weren't, all of the people of Africa would be "suffering" as well.
So let's put that in perspective. In Africa, approximately every 13 SECONDS, someone dies from AIDS. In America, 90% of people with HIV can live their lives with the antiviral drugs they are routinely given. Do you know how much it would cost to help those in Africa? It is estimated that it would cost about $20 Billion per year to control the pandemic.
Wait...we spend $147 billion for obesity, but we could completely reform an entire country of dying, suffering, starving, with just $20 billion....
It gets worse. The world's richest countries contribute less than $5 billion each year. It is projected that our government wastes nearly $120 billion here. This makes me outraged. You have people rioting, standing in the streets, Al Sharpton yelling racial inequality....HELLO!
There is an entire country dying away. They are dying from starvation, lack of clean water, HIV, malaria, TB, and so much more. They are DYING. I've seen some very famous celebrities jumping on the bandwagon, preaching against inequality, driving around in a $250,000 car. A car. A piece of extremely overpriced machinery used to get a person from point A to point B.
I am angry that I see someone on television saying that they hate this country, they only see fat white people, and they feel more of a connection to their "home country" even though they weren't born there. YET, that person creates music to brag about their possessions, their useless pieces of excess, while the people of their home country lay in the streets watching their babies cry in hunger, to weak to hold them, lost and forgotten.....
Can we just talk about all of this?
Can we stop talking about the Kardashians; the blue dress or whatever color it is; the funny cat that does so many tricks; the pop star who bared all in a daring move; the crap generated by the propaganda machine that is created to condition our brains to seek the senseless information and ignore the horror that is happening in our world.
Can we talk about the fact that economies are crumbling, people are being trafficked as sex slaves in alarming numbers, mothers are dying while holding their babies, teenagers are being turned out into the streets with no hope, no guidance, no education, and no one to care about them. I am asked all of the time why we would want to adopt another child. It's because I care. We care. I do not have any special magic powers that enables me to be some kind of super mom, I don't have some secret trust fund, I don't have anything but a caring heart and a supportive husband and a BIG God.
Can we just talk about something real? Please....
Friday, April 10, 2015
Am I Sad?
Mother And Baby by Anna Langova
It has been over a week since I have permanently given up my fertility. I truly never thought I would get to have babies, and yet I was able to carry three. I have feelings about the procedure, about the decision, and about the future.
My body will never again swell with life. I will not watch as my belly jumps with the movements of an excitable little person making their presence known. I will never again have the joy of that test declaring that a new soul has been created within my body. There will be no more post birth nursing sessions cuddling a new life. I will not watch my sweet tiny little baby drift off into a milk induced slumber while being cradled in my protection.
I do have feelings about that.
My feelings are not feelings of sadness though. I have been mentally preparing for this time over the last 16 months. John and I have waivered about the right decisions regarding our family's expansion. When I had Zeke, I suffered a rupture. It wasn't a severe rupture, so I "could" still have another baby. Although every doctor out there would want to deliver that baby prematurely, if we survived the pregnancy long enough.
No, I know this to be the best decision for us.
I have feelings of nostalgia. My mind can grasp that even though those moments of pregnancy and newborn preciousness are amazingly magical, they are fleeting. The last three years, I have been pregnant twice. I cannot really even remember the moments. I have the warm memories that I can recall with that glow of joy, but I cannot feel and re live anything. It just goes by so fast. So, even though I loved those moments, I am not grieved by the inability to recreate them again.
I am thankful for what they were and that I was able to have such blessings.
My heart does not yearn for that downy head and sweet baby toes. I can't even believe I can write that with an honest heart. It is true though. My heart yearns to hold this beautiful little girl across the world. I dream of nestling her in my lap, kissing her cheeks, and holding her hand in mine. There is an ache in my heart that I didn't even know I had, and amazingly, it isn't for a tiny little newborn. I look forward to looking into her eyes, to her realizing that she has a momma who loves her, and that I am that person.
No, I am not sad. I am aware of how time is quickly passing, and how precious those sweet cuddles from my curly haired little 16 month old toddler truly are. He runs up to me multiple times a day, reaching up with his little chubby hands, grunting with desire. He desires for me to pick him up, he shoves his head with that mullet of curls into the crook of my neck, and completely relaxes his body. Content he is, content to soak up all of this mommy's love.
I am not sad, I am full of a new purpose. My husband being a saved man now, has completely changed our household. He shares my burden for the orphan. We look forward to raising the kids we have, bringing Glory home, and who knows what else. I may hold another baby one day, or a ten year old, it is in God's hands for what He calls us to do.
In the mean time I will soak up all of the "I love you mommy's" that come from those almond shaped eyes, the hugs from little people with dirty hands, and the 2.5 million dandelions given from such joyful little souls. The newborn having season may be over, but a new season is before us. It brings forth blooms of blessings to be collected and joyfully cherished for their beauty.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
One For Us!
Sometimes God speaks very clearly. We felt like we should keep ourselves open to adopting two children, however, we came across our girl first. In her country, you can only adopt two children if they are siblings or in the same orphanage. So we told the agency we would be open to adopting another child with special needs from the same orphanage as Glory (that's what we're naming her, but we will be keeping her African name as well).
It took a little time to get everything sorted, but we found out today that there are no children within our parameters at the same orphanage. That is a good thing! It means God is calling us to only adopt one child this time, and hey 3 girls and 3 boys in the house....that's pretty awesome.
It also means that there are people out there adopting kids with special needs! Big whoop whoop here! We were open to pretty severe special needs as well, so this means that the kids who used to be overlooked are now being given a home and valued! It really is pretty fantastic news.
So while we could finish our dossier, and then wait for a second referral, we have decided to proceed and adopt only Glory. We do not want her to have to wait at the orphanage any longer than she has to. It is a blessing to be able to adopt her and have her join our family. I am one happy Momma!.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Why not everyone should adopt.
There is a group out there, a group that advocates for everyone to adopt. "Do your part, adopt a child." They put these statements out there like adoption is no big deal, it is our duty to adopt, everyone needs to do their part.
NOT everyone should adopt a child.
It's just that simple, not everyone is equipped, not everyone is capable of the work, and not everyone has the desire to learn how to work with the issues that an adopted child could face. In this country it was once common place to adopt young unwed mothers' babies and not ever disclose the information. As those adoptees have grown older and become aware of their adoptions, we are learning more and hearing more from them about how they wished things had gone differently.
As adoptees are finally being listened to, we hear them say that they want connections to their birth families. They want to be open about their adoptions, they want to preserve their first family's culture, they don't want to feel the pressure of gratitude over having a family, and so much more. This opens up a whole new area of understanding, one that we as adoptive parents need to listen to and learn about.
Not everyone is willing to adopt a child and be open with their birth family. They want to "do the deed and be done with it." But it doesn't work that way my friends. That kind of thinking can be seen with some couples who have suffered the heartache of infertility, almost as if adoption was a second and painful choice, a step to the family they want but a step they want to overlook and hide away.
I understand that, truly I do, but that thinking is making the adoption more about the parents and less about the child being adopted. In reality, adoption is about the children. Our hope with adopting our children is that they will see that we want to be a resource for them, help them to know the love of a family, and to know that we are here for them always. If being a part of their first family and our family is possible, we hope that we can maintain that connection. I don't feel any threat in keeping open communication and connection, who doesn't love being a part of a bigger family. I mean...I didn't expect John to become part of my family and completely leave all communication and connection to the people he was born to. We combined our families to become one, even though ours is a marriage, it is still legally becoming a relative to someone who is not biologically related. An adoption of sorts. And we want to celebrate the adoption, we want these children, it is a blessing that we are privileged to get to have them be part of our family.
Some people may approach adoption with a savior mentality. If these people cannot look beyond that, then perhaps they are not among those who should adopt. If one goes into an adoption thinking that they are saving a poor orphan, and that the child will forever be grateful to them, well they are jumping into the wrong life.
It is not an orphans fault that they are orphaned. It is not their responsibility to show gratitude for becoming un-orphaned. Kids cannot comprehend life in such a complex way, and should not be held to the standard of showing gratitude for someone loving them.
The love of a parent comes unconditionally and free, those who cannot accept that, should not adopt.
People who cannot love a child not born from their body should not adopt. No amount of shame or chastising will make those people feel differently, and they should not feel guilt or pressure. Should they feel guilty and adopt from those feelings, it only stands to be a detriment to the family and the child entering the family. They will always subconsciously hold a grudge towards the child, and it really is just a bad idea all around.
Those who cannot accept special needs should not adopt. I have read pretty much everything I can about adoption, and everything states that there are possibilities of emotional issues in every adoption. They could be so mild that they do not raise much concern, or they could be incredibly severe. This is truly something to take into consideration.
Fetal alcohol syndrome and effects can be present in a child and there is no way of knowing. It is a spectrum disorder that can show very few signs at birth but a lot of signs in adolescence. This is something to be aware of, educated about, and okay with.
Adoption is amazing. It truly is a gift to be part of another person's life, to help guide and teach them. There is a lot of work with adoptive parenting (and regular parenting for that matter). Most of my work is making sure that we are doing everything we can to help our kids have the best future, and how their adoptions could impact what we need to do to make that happen.
To me it seems irresponsible to say that everyone should adopt. That kind of thinking is a setup for disappointment and heartache. I do believe we are called to take care of the orphans and widows. However, taking care of them does not mean adoption. It could mean funding an adoptive family, praying for the child who needs a home, raising awareness of the orphan crisis, supporting an orphanage, participating in a Big Brother/Big Sister program to help those kids who might not have parents that are able to be involved in their life (orphaned by circumstance), heading up a church outreach to the local youth, etc.
Not everyone should adopt a child. Adoption is wonderful, it is a blessing, but it is about the children. Only those who can see that it is absolutely 100% about the children should consider adoption, because those who know that, will stop at nothing to help the children they bring home.
NOT everyone should adopt a child.
It's just that simple, not everyone is equipped, not everyone is capable of the work, and not everyone has the desire to learn how to work with the issues that an adopted child could face. In this country it was once common place to adopt young unwed mothers' babies and not ever disclose the information. As those adoptees have grown older and become aware of their adoptions, we are learning more and hearing more from them about how they wished things had gone differently.
As adoptees are finally being listened to, we hear them say that they want connections to their birth families. They want to be open about their adoptions, they want to preserve their first family's culture, they don't want to feel the pressure of gratitude over having a family, and so much more. This opens up a whole new area of understanding, one that we as adoptive parents need to listen to and learn about.
Not everyone is willing to adopt a child and be open with their birth family. They want to "do the deed and be done with it." But it doesn't work that way my friends. That kind of thinking can be seen with some couples who have suffered the heartache of infertility, almost as if adoption was a second and painful choice, a step to the family they want but a step they want to overlook and hide away.
I understand that, truly I do, but that thinking is making the adoption more about the parents and less about the child being adopted. In reality, adoption is about the children. Our hope with adopting our children is that they will see that we want to be a resource for them, help them to know the love of a family, and to know that we are here for them always. If being a part of their first family and our family is possible, we hope that we can maintain that connection. I don't feel any threat in keeping open communication and connection, who doesn't love being a part of a bigger family. I mean...I didn't expect John to become part of my family and completely leave all communication and connection to the people he was born to. We combined our families to become one, even though ours is a marriage, it is still legally becoming a relative to someone who is not biologically related. An adoption of sorts. And we want to celebrate the adoption, we want these children, it is a blessing that we are privileged to get to have them be part of our family.
Some people may approach adoption with a savior mentality. If these people cannot look beyond that, then perhaps they are not among those who should adopt. If one goes into an adoption thinking that they are saving a poor orphan, and that the child will forever be grateful to them, well they are jumping into the wrong life.
It is not an orphans fault that they are orphaned. It is not their responsibility to show gratitude for becoming un-orphaned. Kids cannot comprehend life in such a complex way, and should not be held to the standard of showing gratitude for someone loving them.
The love of a parent comes unconditionally and free, those who cannot accept that, should not adopt.
People who cannot love a child not born from their body should not adopt. No amount of shame or chastising will make those people feel differently, and they should not feel guilt or pressure. Should they feel guilty and adopt from those feelings, it only stands to be a detriment to the family and the child entering the family. They will always subconsciously hold a grudge towards the child, and it really is just a bad idea all around.
Those who cannot accept special needs should not adopt. I have read pretty much everything I can about adoption, and everything states that there are possibilities of emotional issues in every adoption. They could be so mild that they do not raise much concern, or they could be incredibly severe. This is truly something to take into consideration.
Fetal alcohol syndrome and effects can be present in a child and there is no way of knowing. It is a spectrum disorder that can show very few signs at birth but a lot of signs in adolescence. This is something to be aware of, educated about, and okay with.
Adoption is amazing. It truly is a gift to be part of another person's life, to help guide and teach them. There is a lot of work with adoptive parenting (and regular parenting for that matter). Most of my work is making sure that we are doing everything we can to help our kids have the best future, and how their adoptions could impact what we need to do to make that happen.
To me it seems irresponsible to say that everyone should adopt. That kind of thinking is a setup for disappointment and heartache. I do believe we are called to take care of the orphans and widows. However, taking care of them does not mean adoption. It could mean funding an adoptive family, praying for the child who needs a home, raising awareness of the orphan crisis, supporting an orphanage, participating in a Big Brother/Big Sister program to help those kids who might not have parents that are able to be involved in their life (orphaned by circumstance), heading up a church outreach to the local youth, etc.
Not everyone should adopt a child. Adoption is wonderful, it is a blessing, but it is about the children. Only those who can see that it is absolutely 100% about the children should consider adoption, because those who know that, will stop at nothing to help the children they bring home.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Sunday Supper- Potato Salad...the right way!
(Note: I do not write or create these on Sunday, but everybody needs a good southern Sunday supper dish).
I have a lot of hungry people in my house. The babies cry for food all day, I feel like I'm shoveling food into them from the time their feet hit the floor in the morning until they are bedded down for the night. Thus, I cook in large portion sizes.
I just hate those recipes that say cook a whole chicken, then use 1/3 for tonight's dinner, and save the rest to eat on in recipes for the rest of the week....I have to cook two of those chickens for tonight, there are no left overs.
I like a recipe that I can make in larger quantity, that keeps well in the fridge, and that is a little indulgent on the weekend. Potato salad is one of those yummy recipes. Come on now, you know you love a good "tater salad" beside your spring/summer dishes.
In my 31 years of existence, I've tried a few potato salads, and let me tell you this to be fact...potato salad should be yellow!
Mustard people, you need mustard in your potato salad, it's necessary.
This is not a fancy potato salad recipe, it's yummy, it's yellow, it's large in quantity. 'Nuff said.
Southern Potato Salad
Ingredients:
7-10 cubed potatoes cooked to soft (not mushy)
1/2 large onion minced
1/4 c pickle relish (I like dill but you could go sweet)
3 TBS of yellow mustard (or more if you like it tangy)
1 cup of mayo (you can easily make your own here or use store bought)
4 hard boiled eggs (thank you chickens for laying a bunch of eggs today)
salt, pepper, and paprika to taste
Mix all of this together in a large bowl and refrigerate until ready to eat.
Now see, that is just too easy for words. Add this to the side of your BBQ Ribs, steamed broccoli, and a biscuit....Mmmm!
Eat up ya'll!
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Pranking Your Kids
Warning: Reading this post will make you want to prank your children....or you will hate us for our sense of humor...either way, read at your own risk!
Before my surgery on Thursday, we had the most beautiful weather, much needed sunshine. We decided to celebrate the commercial part of Easter on Wednesday. John wasn't working that day, and I'm not a fan of detracting from the true celebration of the sacrifice on the cross.
I do like to have fun and let my kids have fun though.
Before Wednesday, I had bought some face paints. It sounded like fun, my kids love it, so why not. Andy wanted to be a cat, the rest of them didn't care.
Let me be real honest with you here. If you draw eyebrows and facial hair on your 14 month old, you are going to have a great day. Seriously, you can't frown on a day where your little guy looks like a grumpy old man.
I filled a bunch of eggs with bunny grahams, raisins, and almonds....yes I'm that mom that doesn't do a bunch of candy. The kids loved it. Grace was competitive this year. She ran all over the yard in excitement.
Zeke wasn't so competitive, but he enjoyed it none the less. Next year, I foresee the seven kids in the yard in an all out eggstravaganza :)
We did an easier find in the front yard for Zeke, Tanner, Grace, and Anna. However, in the back yard, John hid eggs for Andy. We had too much fun with that one. Andy was running through the place searching for eggs, eating the goodies, and then he found THE EGG.
THE EGG was found under the swing set. It was heavy. The boy was excited as he picked it up, anticipating something amazing inside.........
He opened it.
"Ohhhh stew, uggggghhhh!"
This is seriously a laugh out loud moment people, John had filled one egg full of deer stew. When opened, you pretty much got a handful of mushy brown mess.
We died with laughter. Hey, Andy thought it was funny to, and he was happy, he gave his kitty an Easter egg full of stew. It was a win/win situation.
In this house we try to keep a good healthy sense of humor. It's needed. I hope that my kids grow up and find the humor in life, I believe that humor is a direct gift from God.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Grace Filled Moments
In the nearly five years (next month) that I have been Tanner's mother, I have seen very few real and caring moments. He's a tough little man our Tanner. His first five years were a struggle to get the attention of those who had no time to give attention. So he became comfortable in his detachment, in his pain that was the result of his attention getting hijinks. It changed his whole being.
"Oh those Down's babies, they are just so happy all of the time!"
That is a statement I have heard more times than I can count. Usually by well meaning people. They try to be admirable of our actions, connected to our circumstance, or just not rude in an absence of understanding how we could adopt two kids with Down syndrome. I have lived five long years with a little guy with Down syndrome, who most certainly has not been happy all of the time. The struggles with him have been very real, heartbreaking, tear filled, and to be honest, confusing.
I have been pushed out of my comfort zone. I like to have a plan for everything, and within that plan another plan as back up, and if something goes wrong....I research any and every alternative. There are no plans for parenting Tanner. Although over the last couple of years, we have really been working to build a secure attachment.
We've worked hard on that one. I've cried because it almost seems unfair to only let him shake hands with people who want to hug him. However, he needs LOVE and AFFECTION from his mom and dad. He needs the everyday presence of that love, and to become dependent on that love, trustworthy of that love. It's a slow process. It is working though. I saw the proof just yesterday.
Yesterday, I gave up my fertility. From the day I got married, I envisioned having lots of babies, loving being pregnant, natural births, etc. I hoped for a big family. I felt like we should let God decide our family, and so He has. I almost died during childbirth with the last two babies, and that is not sensationalistic. With Grace, I had a 104 fever for days that could not be broken with some of the most powerful antibiotics out there. It was scary. With Zeke, I had a uterine rupture. That is the thing doctors warn you about when talking about vbac, the big worry in obstetrics...yeah it's scary also.
So while I do hold firm that God should be in charge, I also believe that He puts intelligent people in our lives to help us. The doctor I had with Zeke was very much understanding of my convictions, he also said that we "could" have another child, but that he did not recommend it. A uterine rupture is dangerous, another child could kill myself and the baby at any point during pregnancy. I do not live any where near a hospital. For a year I have carried this burden on my heart, could I get pregnant and possibly die right here in front of my children?
Thus the decision was made. John drove me to the hospital, dropped me off, and took the kids to breakfast. When my surgery was over, I was in the restroom, and I heard the children. I specifically heard Tanner, he was talking very loudly, getting overly anxious and wild, and trying to work the nurse over. This is typical of him and strangers. She had given him a teddy bear (as well as the other children), which only heightened his behavior.
And then something magical happened.
I walked out of the bathroom. His eyes turned to me. He completely quieted, stopped talking to the nurse, and his eyes never left me and the IV. Concern and almost tears covered his little face. He asked if I was okay, if I hurt, if I was sick. His expressive speech is limited, but oh how he communicated with me. Not once did he try to work over the nurse like his usual self, it was if no one else was there. He loved me...his mom!
As the parent, I understand that we shouldn't expect reciprocity from our children. They can't see past circumstance, they are driven by emotion at their young ages, and we can't expect them to act in logical or loving ways at all times. However, it feels natural to desire the love of your children. True and authentic love. I've had a handful of true and authentic, connected moments with Tanner over the years. Sometimes it feels as though we would never reach him, and that he would be lost to us.
Yesterday was a grace filled moment. In my sadness at losing my fertility, my heart was overwhelmed with love and joy at the actions of my "lost boy." My boy who gives me hope that he's not lost after all, and that if we just keep persevering, one day he will have joy in his life instead of the drive for chaos. It was a glimmer of hope.
My son loves me, and I know it to be true. He may show it in the most unloving ways, but he does love his Momma. He does need love from his Momma, and oh how I've waited for that day. What a perfect day to see it. God is so very good. He gives us grace in heartache, joy in pain, we just have to see past our own circumstances to really take it in.
"Oh those Down's babies, they are just so happy all of the time!"
That is a statement I have heard more times than I can count. Usually by well meaning people. They try to be admirable of our actions, connected to our circumstance, or just not rude in an absence of understanding how we could adopt two kids with Down syndrome. I have lived five long years with a little guy with Down syndrome, who most certainly has not been happy all of the time. The struggles with him have been very real, heartbreaking, tear filled, and to be honest, confusing.
I have been pushed out of my comfort zone. I like to have a plan for everything, and within that plan another plan as back up, and if something goes wrong....I research any and every alternative. There are no plans for parenting Tanner. Although over the last couple of years, we have really been working to build a secure attachment.
We've worked hard on that one. I've cried because it almost seems unfair to only let him shake hands with people who want to hug him. However, he needs LOVE and AFFECTION from his mom and dad. He needs the everyday presence of that love, and to become dependent on that love, trustworthy of that love. It's a slow process. It is working though. I saw the proof just yesterday.
Yesterday, I gave up my fertility. From the day I got married, I envisioned having lots of babies, loving being pregnant, natural births, etc. I hoped for a big family. I felt like we should let God decide our family, and so He has. I almost died during childbirth with the last two babies, and that is not sensationalistic. With Grace, I had a 104 fever for days that could not be broken with some of the most powerful antibiotics out there. It was scary. With Zeke, I had a uterine rupture. That is the thing doctors warn you about when talking about vbac, the big worry in obstetrics...yeah it's scary also.
So while I do hold firm that God should be in charge, I also believe that He puts intelligent people in our lives to help us. The doctor I had with Zeke was very much understanding of my convictions, he also said that we "could" have another child, but that he did not recommend it. A uterine rupture is dangerous, another child could kill myself and the baby at any point during pregnancy. I do not live any where near a hospital. For a year I have carried this burden on my heart, could I get pregnant and possibly die right here in front of my children?
Thus the decision was made. John drove me to the hospital, dropped me off, and took the kids to breakfast. When my surgery was over, I was in the restroom, and I heard the children. I specifically heard Tanner, he was talking very loudly, getting overly anxious and wild, and trying to work the nurse over. This is typical of him and strangers. She had given him a teddy bear (as well as the other children), which only heightened his behavior.
And then something magical happened.
I walked out of the bathroom. His eyes turned to me. He completely quieted, stopped talking to the nurse, and his eyes never left me and the IV. Concern and almost tears covered his little face. He asked if I was okay, if I hurt, if I was sick. His expressive speech is limited, but oh how he communicated with me. Not once did he try to work over the nurse like his usual self, it was if no one else was there. He loved me...his mom!
As the parent, I understand that we shouldn't expect reciprocity from our children. They can't see past circumstance, they are driven by emotion at their young ages, and we can't expect them to act in logical or loving ways at all times. However, it feels natural to desire the love of your children. True and authentic love. I've had a handful of true and authentic, connected moments with Tanner over the years. Sometimes it feels as though we would never reach him, and that he would be lost to us.
Yesterday was a grace filled moment. In my sadness at losing my fertility, my heart was overwhelmed with love and joy at the actions of my "lost boy." My boy who gives me hope that he's not lost after all, and that if we just keep persevering, one day he will have joy in his life instead of the drive for chaos. It was a glimmer of hope.
My son loves me, and I know it to be true. He may show it in the most unloving ways, but he does love his Momma. He does need love from his Momma, and oh how I've waited for that day. What a perfect day to see it. God is so very good. He gives us grace in heartache, joy in pain, we just have to see past our own circumstances to really take it in.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Dear Adoption Critic
I see you sitting there behind your screen, mouth agape, standing in disbelief of some of the heinous atrocities that have hit the news recently pertaining to adopted children. To clarify, I'm right there with you friend. My mouth has stood open as I tried to comprehend just how awful some people can be.
You furiously write out your replies with criticism of all adoptions in response to your emotions towards the actions of just a few. There is no justification for what has been done to some children adopted into homes of abusive parents. They are not however, the majority.
Adoption critic, you write that people should not be allowed to adopt "stolen babies." Hey, I'm on the same page with you again. However, there are 147 million orphans in the world. That number does not describe 147 million people who have been stolen from their parents. That number describes the lonely, unloved, overburdened, and poor. The neglected are within that number, the malnourished, the sick, they are all included in that number.
You write that children should be supported within their families rather than being adopted out. I agree with you, but what you fail to address is that there are many orphans out there without actual living relatives. There are orphans out there whose family members do not want to keep them due to their child having special needs. Should those orphans be ignored, left in orphanages to be neglected, tied to beds, starved?
Your comments are out there, stating that adopting a child of a different race or with special needs is a fad. You say that people are doing it to have an accessory or to gather attention. Well, as an adoptive parent of two children with special needs, let me tell you that the task is no light job. Adopting any child for attention or as a "fad" is completely ridiculous. These are human beings, these are precious lives for which we take on the responsibility of caring for, enriching, teaching, guiding, loving, and helping to heal. Parenting is a very serious job, the most important job there is, for without good parenting there will be a society of adults running the world who are without a good foundation.
I have read your comments, adoption critic. You claim to be Christian, but you criticize the family member adopting a child with special needs. You say the child will burden the family, they will bring talk from people in the community, you say that the family doesn't need to bring that kind of person around the children they have. I don't understand, are we (as fellow Christians) not commanded to love others before thy self. I have not read in the Bible that we should sit back, watch those suffering, and just say a little prayer. Oh, I believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe in the power of God to use His children to change the world.
If not us...then who?
If not now...when?
You adoption critic sit there, not being Christian, giving your criticism towards those who are trying to actually care for the orphans of the world. We are not comfortable to sit by and just watch the suffering suffer. No, we cannot save them all, but why criticize us for saving the ones we can? My family does support children in third world countries who are currently living with their relatives, we support children in our own community who are struggling, so why is it wrong that we should also support the child who doesn't have anyone to hold them when they are sick? Why is it wrong to support the child who doesn't have a mother to comfort them when they have a bad dream?
I read your comments about how tacky it is to fundraise for an adoption. How if a person wants to adopt they need to have that $30,000 up front. Well, I have plenty to care for my children, and can absolutely care for another, but no I do not seem to just have tens of thousands of dollars laying around. I just don't. However, if the community of caring come together to support the saving of another orphan financially, and I take on the responsibility of parenting that orphan, is that so bad?
Adoption doesn't have to cost a thing. Those are your comments, critic, written to promote foster care adoption. I absolutely agree with that, and I support foster care adoption 100%. However, we were told that our family doesn't look desirable to social workers looking for families. We are not older with teenagers or no children in the home. I can't fix that, but does that mean that a little girl across the world should die without a mother? Is she of less importance than the children in this country? I believe they ALL deserve love and care. The orphan crisis is everywhere, it affects all nations, it is a sad problem for the world to solve.
You see adoption critic, it is not enough to throw money and criticism at a problem. At some point someone has to get up and CHANGE the problem. There are 147 million orphans in the world, some people see those orphans as human beings who matter. Yes, there are bad people in the world. That doesn't mean that we should let those 147 million go on without a family, without love, without a chance of escaping the destitute circumstances with which they are currently in.
You furiously write out your replies with criticism of all adoptions in response to your emotions towards the actions of just a few. There is no justification for what has been done to some children adopted into homes of abusive parents. They are not however, the majority.
Adoption critic, you write that people should not be allowed to adopt "stolen babies." Hey, I'm on the same page with you again. However, there are 147 million orphans in the world. That number does not describe 147 million people who have been stolen from their parents. That number describes the lonely, unloved, overburdened, and poor. The neglected are within that number, the malnourished, the sick, they are all included in that number.
You write that children should be supported within their families rather than being adopted out. I agree with you, but what you fail to address is that there are many orphans out there without actual living relatives. There are orphans out there whose family members do not want to keep them due to their child having special needs. Should those orphans be ignored, left in orphanages to be neglected, tied to beds, starved?
Your comments are out there, stating that adopting a child of a different race or with special needs is a fad. You say that people are doing it to have an accessory or to gather attention. Well, as an adoptive parent of two children with special needs, let me tell you that the task is no light job. Adopting any child for attention or as a "fad" is completely ridiculous. These are human beings, these are precious lives for which we take on the responsibility of caring for, enriching, teaching, guiding, loving, and helping to heal. Parenting is a very serious job, the most important job there is, for without good parenting there will be a society of adults running the world who are without a good foundation.
I have read your comments, adoption critic. You claim to be Christian, but you criticize the family member adopting a child with special needs. You say the child will burden the family, they will bring talk from people in the community, you say that the family doesn't need to bring that kind of person around the children they have. I don't understand, are we (as fellow Christians) not commanded to love others before thy self. I have not read in the Bible that we should sit back, watch those suffering, and just say a little prayer. Oh, I believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe in the power of God to use His children to change the world.
If not us...then who?
If not now...when?
You adoption critic sit there, not being Christian, giving your criticism towards those who are trying to actually care for the orphans of the world. We are not comfortable to sit by and just watch the suffering suffer. No, we cannot save them all, but why criticize us for saving the ones we can? My family does support children in third world countries who are currently living with their relatives, we support children in our own community who are struggling, so why is it wrong that we should also support the child who doesn't have anyone to hold them when they are sick? Why is it wrong to support the child who doesn't have a mother to comfort them when they have a bad dream?
I read your comments about how tacky it is to fundraise for an adoption. How if a person wants to adopt they need to have that $30,000 up front. Well, I have plenty to care for my children, and can absolutely care for another, but no I do not seem to just have tens of thousands of dollars laying around. I just don't. However, if the community of caring come together to support the saving of another orphan financially, and I take on the responsibility of parenting that orphan, is that so bad?
Adoption doesn't have to cost a thing. Those are your comments, critic, written to promote foster care adoption. I absolutely agree with that, and I support foster care adoption 100%. However, we were told that our family doesn't look desirable to social workers looking for families. We are not older with teenagers or no children in the home. I can't fix that, but does that mean that a little girl across the world should die without a mother? Is she of less importance than the children in this country? I believe they ALL deserve love and care. The orphan crisis is everywhere, it affects all nations, it is a sad problem for the world to solve.
You see adoption critic, it is not enough to throw money and criticism at a problem. At some point someone has to get up and CHANGE the problem. There are 147 million orphans in the world, some people see those orphans as human beings who matter. Yes, there are bad people in the world. That doesn't mean that we should let those 147 million go on without a family, without love, without a chance of escaping the destitute circumstances with which they are currently in.
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