Considering Adoption?

I have been hesitant to write this blog post, however after our last adoption, and with the current one, I feel like I have some advice worth reading.  The weight of adoption fees can be very overwhelming, and at times they can induce a panic when trying to absorb such a massive number.  International adoption is very expensive.  There are a lot of people involved in making sure that an ethical adoption happens, and those people must make a living from their employment that is part of making those ethical adoptions a possibility.  Hence the very high fees. 

So, what does one do about those fees?  I read daily, the pleas of those worrying about making their next agency payments, or flights, and hoping that a donor will come through.  Hey, I totally get it.  Most people, myself included, do NOT have $30,000 just laying around.  It's just a reality, and while the ever popular "adopt from foster care" may be the answer for some hoping to adopt, it isn't for everyone.  Did you know that every state has a cap on the amount of children they will allow you to foster/adopt.  That's right, my state says that five kids is enough.  Glory will be our 6th child, because there are countries out there that understand that a child living in a larger family, having a family support system, and feeling loved, is better than living as an orphan forever.

If foster/adopt isn't possible or your desire, and you aren't a gazillionaire, what do you do if you want to adopt?  What do you do if raising the money is also seemingly impossible?  Well, for those planning an adoption in a year or two, I do have a few tips.

I'm going to be honest.  I felt really unsupported and let down with our fundraising efforts when we adopted Anna and Tanner.  In my mind, and a lot of others, I thought we were going to go into the adoption, everyone would know how great it was, and so many people would want to jump in and support us.  I saw families who were fully funded with their adoptions, I saw the grants out there, and even though I worked hard and applied for them, we ended up with nothing. 

What did we do? 

My husband picked up extra work for four months straight, we cut out all extras, and we saved.  We used an adoption credit card for the airfare, and had a plan in place to pay it off within the 0% interest grace period. 

Make a plan

My best advice for those desiring to adopt, is to make a plan.  Write down every thing that you will need to do in order to adopt, write down all estimated fees.  Write down when you want to pursue the adoption, and then write out a very detailed budget. 

Get out of debt

This may seem absurd to some, but seriously, if your adoption is a year or two off, try to scale down your debt.  John and I worked hard to make sure that our only debt was our mortgage.  Our vehicles are nearly a decade or more old, but we chose ones that would be good for the long haul, and they are all paid off.  If you have no debt, then when you decide to adopt, it won't be such a burden to have an adoption loan.  We were able to apply for a loan to cover a big portion of our adoption.  I hate debt, really I do, but financially, we were able to do it, and with it being the only debt we have aside from our home, it's doable. 

Follow your plan

This one is very difficult.  I wanted to jump right in over the last four years and adopt again right away.  However, we knew that we didn't have a lot of luck with fundraising last time, and that it would be foolish for us to set ourselves up for financial strain.  If God calls you to do it, He will provide a plan, I'm certain of it.  I feel like our patience and trying to follow the plan as best as we could, has been so helpful.  What good does it do you, the child you are adopting, and your family if you don't have a plan? If you  have to dive into financial instability, and then have that looming over you when you are trying to maneuver bonding and doctor's appointments, it could become to much to handle.  Financial matters are the number one contributor to divorce in America, and I can't imagine what that on top of trying to build a new family dynamic could do, especially if a child has a lot of needs that weren't planned for. 

Pray and breathe

I was hoping that my fundraising effort so far would have been more productive.  I spent 21 hours (meaning time I could have been sleeping), working on the auction that yielded no results.  I spent 15 hours crocheting things that did not sell.  There is a magic formula to selling things, I'm not sure I know what that is.  However, instead of letting it bum me out, I'm taking those things that didn't sell, and I'm donating them to Glory's orphanage.  I'm going to continue to pray, and I'm going to breathe.  I cannot change the way things are happening.  We are going to be travelling a lot sooner than planned, Glory's needs are more sever than planned, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a grant.  I'm going to pray and breathe.  When you have plan, even if things don't go accordingly, it's still easier to weather the unplanned...if that makes sense.

Get a job and have a backup plan

If you don't have children, consider a second job.  My sister is a waitress while she attends college, and let me tell you, if I didn't have a  bunch of kids, I do that to raise the money needed.  She makes very good tips, and I can imagine if you had a second job, that money could add up to a fully funded adoption in just a year. 

Also, have a back up plan.  You may get every donor out there to help you along, and that is fantastic!  It might not happen though.  Make sure you have a back up plan.  We have one.  It's oh so NOT my desired choice, but if push comes to shove, it's there.  It's there, and we know that if we have to, we can use it in order to keep our adoption on track.  It can be devastating to put all of your eggs into one basket, and then get to travel time, only to be completely tapped out, not being able to continue.  A true heartbreak to all involved.  So whatever you can do as a back up, plan it, write it down, keep it tucked away for "incase of" times.

Obviously all of these things are for people who aren't in the middle of an adoption, and they do require some patience and discipline.  I know myself, I want to adopt them all and right now.  However, I've come to realize over the years that it's best to have a calm and praying spirit instead of a rash and impulsive one.  Calm and praying allows us to weather the uncertainties and be okay if we aren't supported financially by those we reach out to.  Rash and impulsive would have had me freaking out and disheartened.  Be the calm and prayerful one, and glean the awesomeness of self discipline learned while planning for an adoption.  I know with our first one, I was able to learn how to really save and give up so many things.  It was one of the best lessons I learned in life, because giving a child a family is a motivator to get yourself in gear like no other.

Auction and Give-a-way!!!!

 

For the past couple of weeks, I have been very busy, cutting and sewing these adorable skirts.  I have them in varied sizes, prints, and ready for auction.  Click Here (AUCTION)

 

The auction begins today and will end on Sunday 5/31/2015 at 8pm EST.

 

Definitely go check them out, hopefully you find one you love, but if you are on the fence....I have a give-a-way. 

 

I am offering one Boutique Apron Skirt and Matching Doll Skirt (18 inch doll) in your choice of size (0-8 girls) and my choice of print.  I have cute prints, don't worry. 

 

How do you enter the give-a-way?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Grab This!

<div align="center"><a href="http://reecesrainbow.org/91403/sponsorknapp" title=""><img width="100%" src="http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc502/ReecesRainbow/fspknapp.png" style="border:none;" /></a></div><div align="center"><a href="http://dailybeginagains.blogspot.com/" title="">Grab This!</a></div>

 

It's as easy as that!  Thank you all so much for your support, I hope you find something you love!

 

Disclaimer:  I strive to do my best on everything I make.  The seams are all serger finished for a nice professional look, but I do not deal in perfection.  I deal in making everything with care and love.

 

500,000 US Kids

I write a lot about helping the orphans, advocating for adoption, and for kids being trafficked.  This is not the only thing that weighs heavy on my heart though.  There are over 500,000 kids in the US foster care system on any given day. 

Can you absorb that number and put faces to it? 

So many faces, faces of all shapes, sizes, color......

For many of these children, they have been placed into care abruptly and without any belongings.  When we were foster parents, our very first placement came to us with one plastic walmart sack and a few odd bits of clothes.  Nothing else.  They were a sibling group, and I remember the little one not having a special teddy bear, they didn't have their favorite shirt, nothing but a plastic sack of weather inappropriate clothes. 

Do you feel the urge to help those who are fatherless?  Even temporarily fatherless, but you feel called to help the ones local to where you live? 

There is something you can do! Something that could help preserve the dignity of a child, help make transition just a bit easier, help provide a bit of comfort.  Foster care agencies are always in need of backpacks/duffel bags/small suitcases filled with necessities.  It is quite common for kids to be moved in a rush, and often times, they do not get or have much to take with them.  They are dropped off into a foster parent's care at any hour of day or night, with not much to use up front. 

What you can do:

Materials
*All items must be new. Make 6-8 duffel bags per participant (or whatever you can do).

• Duffel bag
• Towel, washcloth
• Toothpaste, toothbrush
• Shampoo and soap
• Deodorant for pre-teens and teens
• Hairbrush, comb, hair ties for girls
• Fleece blanket
• Pencils, pens, markers
• Journals or notebooks
• Flashlight and batteries
• Small toy or NEW stuffed animal
• Hats , mittens or scarves
• Homemade label with gender and age

Drop them off to your local child protective services, they will most definitely be well received. 

For a lot of orphans, it is "normal" to be in an orphanage or to be an orphan (unfortunately), but for the kids in foster care, they often know their parents and that they supposed to be in the care of their mom and dad.  It's a tough change to be placed into a strangers home, I'm sure that having something of their own (even if it's new) would be helpful. 

Turning 11

 

Tomorrow Anna will celebrate her birthday for the fifth time.  However, she will be turning 11.  She is very small for eleven, and very much a different girl from when we celebrated her sixth birthday. 

 

 

When we celebrated her sixth birthday, she had only been on American soil for four days.  She was unsure of her new surroundings.  She was lost in her own little world, with her own shadow, and unable to do so much. 

 

She is not that girl any more.  She is a big sister who can run around playing with her siblings.  She is intelligent.  She is interactive, cheerful (most of the time), and a joy to be around.  The kids who are pictured in orphanages are often overlooked for their "lost" appearance, but given time in a new home, so many of them bloom into the most beautiful people.  Anna is one of those people.

 

 

Racism Addressed

I've been sent messages accusing me of being racist.  So, I thought I would address this issue and it's absurdity.  There is no secret that I do not support our current president's politics, and that I do try to bring to light the forgotten poverty stricken people who live in Appalachia.  Hey, I do not support many of the politicians in Washington though, as I do not feel that many of them really represent the people any more.  It's not a color thing, it's a human being thing.  I don't think they really care about human beings.

 

I can NOT agree with our president, and also NOT be a racist.  It seems like a radical thought, but it is a very real possibility.

 

I'm not sure how people come to the conclusion that someone is a racist when they have never met them.  To me, you are a person created by God, and God does not see the level of pigment in your skin.  I can appreciate all cultures that may include a group of people with common skin tones, but I also appreciate the culture of people with Down syndrome, CP, Hydrocephalus, etc. 

 

Being accused of racism is something that infuriates me.  It is a hate filled word, not to be taken lightly, and especially touches my heart, because I have friends of all cultures and colors.  The actual definition means to commit violence against people because of their race, or to believe that one race is better than another. This sickens me.  It sickens me particularly because one of my best friends is not of my race.  She and I have been friends for over 20 years.

 

(our eight grade dance)

 

Before assumptions are made.  I am not writing this to say, "oh I have a token black friend," no I'm writing this to say that you accusers need to be wary of your accusations.  I'm writing this, because my friend here, is like my sister....in fact she's been dating my brother-in-law for years.  So really, we might as well be sisters.

 

 

(us in high school)

 

I am addressing this, because I would give this friend my kidney.  She is a person, and believe it or not, it is possible to see people beyond their skin (while still appreciating and respecting their heritage). 

 

 

(pregnant with kid #1)

 

I feel like to accuse someone of racism (VIOLENCE against another race) is such a harsh judgment that people do not understand the impact.  When you accuse me, you are trying to devalue my relationship and admiration for someone that I've cared about for the majority of my life.  You devalue t\he fact that we as human beings are capable of loving people who do not look the same as us.  You strip all progress made from the people who marched for civil rights, and only spur efforts to create a racial divide once more.

 

(pregnant with kid #5)

 

I do not write to say, "look at me I have a black friend and I can't possibly be racist."  I write this to say look, I love this person like a sister, and you are trying to devalue that relationship with your ignorant accusations.  I say, people like you are the problem.  People like you aren't trying to solve the racial tensions in our world, you are trying to stir the pot, make yourself feel important and self righteous.  This girl is a part of my family from childhood, and still as girlfriend to my husband's brother (we did say we'd marry brothers one day).  You do not get to devalue our relationship. 

 

(Glory)

 

This is going to be my daughter.  Not because of some trend, but because she is a little girl in our world who needs a mom and dad. 

 

You do not get to devalue my love for her with your ignorance.  I do not love the people in my life who's skin is different from mine, because of some self important ideas.  No, I appreciate their differences (as I appreciate those with special needs), but in the end I love their soul. 

 

If you cannot find it in yourself to see loving someone above and beyond how they are different from you, then you may need to evaluate your self and your thinking.  You need to evaluate yourself before making heinous accusations.

 

 

 

Mothering in the Mundane

 

Have you ever had the urge to open Pinterest in your browser, and search for a fun activity as a parent?  Only to open up something that catches your eye, see a blog full of activities from another mother, and then proceed to feel completely inept as a mom?

 

Yeah, I find that if I search through Pinterest, I am continually overwhelmed with the feeling that I should be doing more fun activities.  How do these moms plan these ideas, execute them, take excellent pictures, and all the while have a clean house in the background! It's amazing. 

 

I am not that mom.  I am not condemning that mom at all, but I'm not her.  I don't feel guilty about that.

 

While I am crafty, I love to sew, I love to do all kinds of things with the kids, we do not have these elaborate fun things every day.  The days that we do have them, my house is not pristine in the background.  It's just not in my abilities I suppose.

 

So, I began to wonder about the memories that stand out most to me.  Do kids really care if I fill them full of these planned and creative activities. Will that be their childhood memories.  What will stand out?

 

When I was little, we lived in this apartment.  My mom would sit at the kitchen table and color with me.  I loved to color, and I always thought hers were a work of art.  She would let me crawl into her bed, and read me the Bible.  It was a simple thing, but it stands out in my mind.  Oh and Candy Land, she would play Candy Land with me over and over again.  In the chaos of my childhood, I find those memories full of peace and love.

 

Is that what our kids want?  Peace filled memories, those moments full of love, and what would that entail? 

 

The mundane moments!  Mothering in the mundane is when your true self will come out.  I sat in the floor with my kids for an hour a few days ago, just rolling the ball.  The baby would sit in my lap, and we would roll it to one of the bigger kids.  They had a blast chasing it.  We counted and practiced talking (because all play is learning right), and just rolled a ball. 

 

In the evenings, I pull out books, and I read to the kids.  I read to the kid who can read fairly anything himself.  We read everything.  It's time spent opening our minds to the worlds upon pages of excitement and adventure.  We take adventures together....will he remember? 

 

We have a big chest full of board games, and we have game time.  Anna is the uno champion, she never lets anyone else win.  I don't know how she does it. 

 

I watch them play outside, and they bring me a million weeds (ahem flowers).  They show me their skills, we might play a game of baseball, or I might teach them to do cartwheels (yeah it's a wee bit more painful in my thirties than it was as a kid). 

 

We sit at the table and eat with our kids.  I cook for them, and they watch or help.  We clean together, care for the animals together, and they get my time. 

 

I think the mundane moments are the moments most full of time well spent.  I believe that when you are just being, you are making the most powerful memories.  We live a legacy for our kids, I'm not very good at daily pinterest awesomeness.  I am good at giving time, at making the moments count.  I hope that my mothering and your mothering in the mundane moments are received by our kids as the moments my mom was...a mom!

 

What do you remember about your mom as a child?  I bet it wasn't daily inadequacy due to her not providing you endless creative activities to fill your day.  I bet it was her mom-ness.

 

 

Facing the Uknown

 

When we first heard about Glory, we were told she had hydrocephalus and global developmental delay.  This was something that "appeared" to be obvious.  We have put a lot of time into researching hydrocephalus and all that it entails.  She was expected to need shunt surgery, and we signed on to assume that cost.

 

It has been determined that she does NOT have hydrocephalus.  Celebration right?....

 

Not so much.

 

What she has now is a chronic brain bleed and brain shrinkage as a result of the pressure and hemorrhage.  So, we have to prepare for the many unknowns.  These types of brain bleeds are common in elderly people, but quite rare in small children.  The most common reason for this type of bleed is shaken baby syndrome.  However, there is a metabolic disorder that can cause it as well.

 

We do not know if she has the metabolic disorder.

 

Here is what we know....She's our Glory and we love her.  When I say that, I don't mean I've fallen in love and going to "try" to make this work.  NO, I mean every single person in this house has come to love this little girl across the world.  We have celebrated the progress she has made through pictures each week, we pray for her, and Grace talks all day long about how happy she is that Glory will be here soon.

 

We know that her case is sever enough that the adoption agency is trying to expedite her adoption.  Our home study will be complete tomorrow, and our dossier is complete minus the state seals and USCIS forms.  On that note, USCIS has told the agency to collect all medical information they can about her, we then have to have a doctor write a letter about the severity of her diagnosis.

 

We know that if it is the metabolic disorder, we are facing quite a different life.  She could have severe developmental delays, could have difficulty speaking and may need an AAC device, her muscle tone may be low and she could need a wheel chair, and she would need a strict vegetarian diet.  She will need surgery to relieve the pressure and repair the hemorrhage.  

 

Metabolic disorder or not, she will likely need a craniectomy.  She could have seizures, vision loss, cerebral palsy, ADD/ADHD, emotional disorders,  and immune function issues.

 

It is an unknown situation.  It is possible that with early therapies, surgery, and diet, she could lead a fairly typical adult life one day. 

 

What do you do in this situation? 

 

We pray.  We weigh the possibilities of her condition against our current life and how it could impact the children and family dynamic we currently have.  We research the heck out of it, and consult neurology, family doctors, metabolic doctors, and the international adoption doctor. 

 

We make a decision, and not lightly nor blindly.

 

Life could be severely impacted by Glory's needs.  She could need care that we are unaccustomed to, even with two kids with Down syndrome.  It's going to be demanding, stressful at times, and scary.  It will require us to step even further out of our comfort zone, to rely fully on God, and to answer to those people who are negative about adopting a child that isn't "perfect." 

 

 

Will our kids be impacted?  Yes.  Will it be for the worse?  I hope not.  I hope that our children learn to love as Jesus loves us.  I hope our kids learn that people who require more effort on our part, are worthy of our compassion and respect.  I hope our children learn to be less selfish, not value things of this world, and instead lead a life of service to others. 

 

Service to ourselves does not lead us down the right path.  There is nothing to be gained by fleshly living.  If there were, then the wealthy and the self absorbed people of the world wouldn't be constantly trying to buy more, make more money, prove themselves the be the best/hottest/thinnest/most athletic, etc. 

 

When we die, we will not be remembered for the money we had, our youthful looks, how much we could exercise, etc.  No, we will either be remembered as a good and faithful person, or a lover of ourselves.  The latter has no legacy. 

Dating..of the "up" kind

Well folks we are in our busiest time of year, it's summer time around here, even though summer hasn't technically begun.  The grass is growing faster than we can keep up with, it does this every year, I'm kind of threatening it right now as I can visibly see it growing by the second...not fair I tell ya.

The goats need us.  It's quite a bit more chaos this year, we doubled our herd since Sierra had twins.  Lily and Meat are growing...yes there will be pictures.  Blizzard has become an addict, and we've put her in rehab.  Poor thing, she refuses to wean, just refuses, so now she's been separated.  Every time we let her loose, she runs over to try and nurse, and it's all, "come on ya big teenager goat, you're almost as big as your mom, give it up!"

I registered Andy for summer camp this year.  It cost me ten dollars for a week of over night camp...win!  Being the biggest kid, he's kind of singled out here.  Anna and Tanner have not only each other, but they function at the same level as Grace, so the two babies and them are besties.  It will be good for Andy to have a little time away.

The kids are having a blast at Cowboy Up for Christ.  I am having a blast as well.  I know that no one wanted to volunteer to run the fishing program, but we are loving it.  I feel like we are winners (touching worms aside), because we get to chat it up with the kids every week.  They are awesome...especially when we played the "how old is John" game :)  None of them can believe that Anna is going to be 11 soon, but I've tried to convince them that it's true.

So, five kids, six goats, 22 hens, 11 acres to upkeep...oh yeah! It's gardening time.  That is the time of year when we attempt to grow this big garden full of awesomeness, but seemingly fail at one or two (ahem...or all) vegetables. John planted three peach trees, two pear trees, three more apple trees, an apricot tree, and a plum tree this year as well.  The strawberries are looking promising, I think I could survive off of strawberries alone, you know...if they were in season all year at my house, because if I had to buy them at the grocery I wouldn't be able to afford them.

On the adoption front, we have had news of Glory's diagnosis.  She was originally said to have hydrocephalus, but we have learned that she has a chronic brain bleed and cerebral atrophy.  This is a much more severe diagnosis, and the agency is attempting to expedite the case.  I'll do a separate post on that tomorrow.

I do love this season.  The birds chirping, windows open....KIDS OUTSIDE!!!!!

I'm sorry can you see my excitement! I love kids being outside, we go out for hours each day, and while some of them (and myself) love it, some are still trying to get used to it....five years later.

Online Dating and Adoption

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys, I used to be a little creeped out by online dating.  It was strange to think that a person could meet their spouse online, without ever meeting and fall in love, via a computer!  How is that even possible?  Could you truly and really love someone you had never physically laid a finger to?

 

I know how it is possible now though.

 

You see, I have fallen in love online.....

 

Now wait ya'll, I am not implicating that I'm leaving my amazing best friend/handsome hubby/soul mate  and scooping up some fresh piece of male meat off of the internet...no, definitely not!

 

 

I have fallen in love, a tender, wonderful, mother heart kind of love with this little girl.  Her pictures are changing each week, she is growing through our screen on Friday afternoons.  We are seeing those little infant features, that follow a baby into toddlerhood disappear, with what always happens at this age, when the preschool sized little human presents itself.  She is drifting into a new age and time of life, without me. 

 

Together, our little nuclear family (plus my two sisters who rock socks) have been cheering through the progress we have seen of weekly photos.  Glory has made leaps and bounds of progress, without me.  She is facing a major surgery, and I am pained to think of her not having me there.  I am fearful for the high statistics of infection rate, I just long to wrap my arms around her, and have her safe here.  She needs a mom and dad.  I feel like I am her mom, and there is this uncertainty looming over our heads of when we will get to be together.  I know we will though, and I know that it will be all but a memory once we are, this looming anticipation and anxiety over the wait. 

 

And then I feel sadness.  Where is her birth mom?  Did she die, was she sick and could not care for Glory, did her special needs present more than they could afford?  All of that breaks my heart.  For I love her birth mom as well....someone I've never met, never seen a picture of, and probably will never be in the presence of.

 

How do you explain to someone who has never been in this situation, just how much you can love a person whom you have never met? 

I suppose I'll just tell them it's kind of like online dating ;) oh or maybe facebook friendships.......