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Donald Trump and Joe Dirt

You might be wondering what Joe Dirt and Donald Trump have in common, well, I'm not sure...however Zeke has been channeling them both through his hair lately. 



I know those curls are absolutely adorable! Stunning! Gorgeous baby curls...only they were about three inches longer than the rest of his hair.  I could totally go with that, mostly his hair hadn't grown on top of his head...

Oh yes, party in the back business in the front, straight mullet it was.

But then.



No, seriously, he began to sprout hair from the front that could rival Donald Trump.  But still no hair really in the middle at the crown?



And it stood straight up. Just up. So party in the back, toupe in the front. It was a hot mess, I caved to John's request, I gave Zeke his first hair cut.



He did so well.  So well in fact that I had to convince Grace that she did not want a buzz cut.



He was so still and patient, so unlike his big brother who has a cow every hair cut. Away the curls went, we said good-bye to the outrageous comb "up and over."



In it's place a new style. My baby growing up. 



First hair cuts are always so hard.

The Rains Came Down

It's been a couple of weeks since our land flooded worse than I have ever seen before. 

 

We have lived at this home for over four years, we have never seen weather like this, nor flooding like this.  Sadly, we weren't prepared for such, and we were given a hard lesson in homestead life. 

 

 

The rains came so fast on top of the weeks of rain we already had.  We woke up early that morning, and when I looked outside, I saw just how high the waters were.  John rushed out in his jammies to discover that our male baby goat was missing.  :( He walked all through knee high water, but the goat was no where to be found.  The other goats faired better, but our barn had been flooded, so we had to release them into the garden that was fenced off. 

 

My favorite goat, our only lamancha, was sick though.  We tried to save her, but she died the following day.  When the water went down, we also discovered her baby had drowned.

 

 

Poor Lily, she lost her mom and her brother.  She mourned, I mourned, we all were heartbroken.  It was apparent that our goat barn was in a bad place, but we do not have the time or finances to just build a new one right now.  We decided to try to find a larger farm for them to go to, and thankfully, we were able to send the remaining four to the same farm. 

 

 

We had to say goodbye.  It was the best that we could do given the busy-ness of our adoption on top of all that we have going on right now.  It wouldn't have been fair to let the rest chance bad weather or their health declining.  We researched goats extensively, and we thought we had done everything right before we purchased them, but we had never seen weather like we've had this past year.  It was a hard decision, I rejoiced with these babies, and I loved these gals.  Goats have the greatest personalities, and our goats were so affectionate, Sierra was the smartest farm animal I had ever seen.  I can't believe she died.  I held her head in my lap, she couldn't stand, she just nuzzled me and bleated pitifully.  They will be missed greatly, it's been a week, and I still find myself looking out the window to see what the goats are up to, even though they are gone.

 

You can't really prepare for the impact of life's storms.  It is possible to prepare for the grief that they can bring by securing a good foundation in God, lean on Him in times of good and in times of bad.  The loss of our goats hit us emotionally and financially, we never could have guessed that the storms would get that bad, but when they did, I'm so thankful that we were able to handle it with a calm strength and reassurance from God.

 

 

 

I'm 16!

"I'm 16!" She shouts at the breakfast table.

"Your not 16, you are three."

She bursts into a fit of giggles and a sprig of pain pierces my heart.

This thing has happened over the last few years.  I have noticed that every time I blink, another year has passed.  Although yesterday, my whole being had prayed for bed time to come quickly. 

"The days are long, but the years are fast."

There are many mothering days that make me want to hide in a closet and take a nap.  There are days where I look around and see the chaos of this tantrum crazed three year old, and I can't imagine how we could possibly all get out alive.  So much disorganized passion trapped in such a tiny body.  It can't me rationalized with, it's on the edge of an emotional cliff, and it's taking us all over the ledge.

I need to remind myself while watching the flailing, that I'm going to blink my eyes, and this little ball of fire will in fact be sixteen years old.  There won't be any fights about eating her eggs.  She won't ask me for 24 extra hugs and kisses at bed time.  She won't run to me, climb into my lap, and find refuge from the latest boo boo.

Today little one.....you are not sixteen.  Today you are three, let's enjoy it together.

I'm Coming Because

We received the final piece of our dossier on Friday.  This last piece of paper will allow me to mail our paperwork, and officially put us waiting for travel.  I don't know how long that will take.  I feel like it has taken forever. 

When I was in elementary school, we learned about people in Ethiopia for social studies class.  I remember being so taken with the poverty and the smiles on the faces of those in the pictures.  There were statistics about orphans and life in this country that had taken by heart.  I told everyone that I would adopt a whole house full of African orphans one day.  I was naïve of course, but I was also connected. 

The love affair didn't stop. 

I have read history books, books on the different cultures, missionary accounts, blogs, and anything else I could about the people of a continent with which I've never been to.  So many countries together suffering, but so much flourishing in other countries on the same continent, so much joy in the midst of sorrow.  What keeps them smiling and kind?  I still don't know.

Life didn't exactly take us to Liberia as we had planned 8 years ago.  The country closed.  Our path was directed a different way, Ukraine was to be our destiny.  I have a deep appreciation for Ukrainians.  The culture is one not easily understood by westerners.  I'm blessed to have two children from their country as well as my experiences there.

I assumed that once we adopted Anna and Tanner, we'd never adopt from Africa.  I thought my dream was over, but that didn't keep me from praying and reading and hoping to one day be involved in a mission trip or something.  I just felt so connected.  It's truly unexplainable how I felt my heart in a place so far away. 

I know why the connection now.

It's her.

I see her and she is my daughter.  She is my shared daughter, for I will always share her with her birth mother, even though her birth mother has long since disappeared.  I am connected to her.  In my mind I can't fathom that any potential adoptive parents could have seen her and passed her over.  Yes, she has special needs.  Yes, her brain has a looming question mark hanging over it.  Yes, her future is unclear in many regards. 

When I open my emails on Friday afternoons, I open them to see this tiny girl described as having brain atrophy, a large head circumference, delays, and a brain hemorrhage. 

She is absolutely perfect. 

I want to be able to reach out to her and say I am coming soon.

I have always been coming.

Uniquely Designed

I am an oddball. 

It's true, I am and always have been, just outside of the "normal" realm of society.  I know, I know, you are having a difficult time fathoming this.  I think growing up the way that I did made me feel like an outsider, I always wanted to be part of the kids who seemed to have the perfect family.

I didn't realize in my youth that there are no perfect families.

It was given a blessing though.  My experiences growing up gave me a different lense with which to observe the world.  Watching the sorrow my mother experienced living with a man incapable of managing his anger and addiction, has given me a very tender heart and a great wealth of empathy from which to draw.  Had you asked me in my teen and early twenty years if I would ever be grateful for the difficult times, the weirdness of "me,"  I would have said emphatically.....

"NO!"

As I have grown, I have been able to embrace my path, and to really feel comfortable in my own shoes.  I no longer feel a need to be a certain way for the world to see, I can just be me and be okay with it.

Now, people see me and draw so many conclusions.  I was at the top of my class in college, and tested at the top of the nations entering teachers, but I quit before student teaching.  I was 16 hours, one semester away.  For most people, this is completely absurd, a waste, something to not even be considered comprehensible.  That's okay.  I think it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  Whew, am I thankful that my husband supported me on that one. Not everyone felt so supportive and understanding.  It wasn't normal, it was crazy, how could I do such a thing.

When I got off the bus towards a life I didn't really want, I jumped on the express to a new life.  One that would take me closer to my creator, one that would repair my marriage and strengthen it to the amazing-ness that it is now.  I began to follow a passion that I never could have dreamed for myself, and feel like in a very small way, I have made the world a little better. 

I love being a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom.  I love it.  Most people are lamenting towards the first week of August, hoping that their little people hurry off to school, and that's cool.....no, judgement here, I often wish there were days off like that to.  However, for the most part, I love learning and teaching.  There is a lot of content out there that I was never exposed to in 16 years of formal education, so many interesting things, and now we get to dive all in.

One of the best things I learned in college was that you can learn anything.  Aside from biblical information, I believe this is one of the greatest things a person can know.  You can learn anything.  I love it!  Before going into and education major, I tried psychology, nursing (wanted and still do some day to be a midwife), business, social work, and communications.  I love to learn, I should have just bought and read the textbooks though, saved the money.  So, if it makes me a nerd to be a fan of always learning something new, so be it. 

I have created mini nerdlets as well....look out world, oddballs coming your way! 

I hope they embrace their nerdly intellect, I hope they stand strong in their love for God, and in the unique way that they approach life. 

My life revolves around being a wife, mom, and homemaker.  Whoa! Does that draw scrutiny or what? The job of a homemaker has often been mocked, a movement was created to diminish the importance of homemaking, and it was wildly successful.  Women rushed off in search of meaning, of purpose, of something more than just cooking and cleaning.

I'm about to tell you something that really makes me an oddball.

I LOVE being a homemaker.  No, I'm not overly organized, my house is not exactly "eat off the floor clean,"  but it is a home that is lived in.  I love to create meal lists that will nourish my family, that stay in budget, and cook meals that will grow little people into strong adults.  I love learning about herbs and how they can benefit our family.  Cloth diapering little ones was such an out there idea nine years ago, but I've learned how to be a cloth diapering mama yoda.  I've learned how to clean with less chemicals, how to milk a goat, how to make my own soap, how to knit, how to sew, how to crochet, how to garden, etc...etc...etc...

Everything I do in my home from knitting someone a sweater to wiping a butt is a way to serve my God, and that is how I embrace my differences.  I know that I'm different from the mainstream.  I know that my family is different.  However, I also know that I am doing what I was called to do, and that being like everyone else is boring anyway.  There are magazines and websites out there making millions of dollars telling women how all be the same.  They tell you how to manage yourself, how to be in style, how to talk, what to read, etc. 

I'm just not one of the following.  Sometimes it's a lonely place, but only for a brief few seconds when all five of my children are sound asleep and my husband is at work.  I think a lonely place of difference where the Lord can instruct and grow in my person is a benefit.  Instead of worrying about fitting in and measuring up to what man deems worthy, I can focus on something that really matters.  I can focus on my eternity.

This life only lasts so long, why spend it trying to fit into someone else's mold?

Random Life Thoughts

When I was in high school, I took this class called Life Skills.  Essentially it was a rebranded home economics class.  My fondest memory of this class was the sewing lessons, I will be honest, I didn't exactly take this class seriously.  It was obvious by my sewing project, a pair of pajama pants, pants that had gone terribly, horribly, wrong.  They were the most comical pair of pants, one leg quite shorter than the other, the seams not even completely sewn, the hem all jacked up.  It was awful.  I deemed myself domestically incapable, but then again, I never imagined being a stay at home, homeschooling, mom to many kids. 



The class was taught by a woman I know respect quite a lot, and I wish I had learned all that I could from her.  I was unaware that as an adult, it would be necessary to know how to cook well, to plan meals if I wanted to stay on budget and be healthy, to be able to repair things, and to manage a house hold. 

You see.  There is a problem today, a new generation of adults have not learned to manage money.  They have not learned to write out and budget, to write a check properly, to balance their accounts, to buy a home, and to stay out of debt if at all possible.  These pitfalls have created a new kind of stress and tension, money can destroy, and it is destroying an entire group of people.

The class also taught cooking.  Now, I am quite the cook if I do say so myself.  I love to cook, I love to research all things healthful, and I love to feed people.  It wasn't always the case for me though.  I wasn't prepared to have five kids who....get this....need to be fed regularly.

I know!

Seriously, they have to eat, and they have to eat constantly.  If I'm not feeling well, the kids still have to eat, if we are rushed for time, they still need food, no matter what, they have to be fed.  As an added bonus, I try to feed them a healthy diet, and well, that takes a bit more effort....i.e. (ALOT more effort)....oh and one of my kids is celiac and one is dairy intolerant.....



The class also included handicrafts.  As a Charlotte Mason lover, I now see why this should have been taken more seriously.  You know, women today are estimated to need anti depressants much much more than women of the past.  However, it could be said that women of the past worked much harder than women of today.  I mean everything done by hand, sun up to sun down, no modern day conveniences....yet they were more happy and content.

Why?

I think I know.  Being able to take a piece of cloth, and with your hands, create something useable, something beautiful, something with purpose....it's cathartic.  Taking yarn and knitting a sweater takes countless hours, hours to sit and pray, hours to quiet ones soul, and in those hours something magical happens.  A garment is created, those hours of quiet working, make something beautiful to wrap one's babies up in, or protects ones hands from the elements. 

I wish I had taken that kind of teaching to heart in high school, I would have been far above in my skills than I am now.  I love being able to create something for my child to wear, or something to protect my husband (who works so hard for his family) from winter weather.  I love the time it takes, the gratification of my hands making something with purpose, and the quiet patience that it requires.

We live in a plugged in world, never quiet, never patient.  With all of that, I feel as though we've lost so many life skills, skills necessary to survive should anyone ever pull the plug.

I wish I'd paid more attention in school to the class that no one took seriously, for it offered something of great value above career knowledge.  We need life knowledge, and it would have been great to have a little of it the easy way, rather than the way we seem to all gain it.