Turning 11

 

Tomorrow Anna will celebrate her birthday for the fifth time.  However, she will be turning 11.  She is very small for eleven, and very much a different girl from when we celebrated her sixth birthday. 

 

 

When we celebrated her sixth birthday, she had only been on American soil for four days.  She was unsure of her new surroundings.  She was lost in her own little world, with her own shadow, and unable to do so much. 

 

She is not that girl any more.  She is a big sister who can run around playing with her siblings.  She is intelligent.  She is interactive, cheerful (most of the time), and a joy to be around.  The kids who are pictured in orphanages are often overlooked for their "lost" appearance, but given time in a new home, so many of them bloom into the most beautiful people.  Anna is one of those people.

 

 

Racism Addressed

I've been sent messages accusing me of being racist.  So, I thought I would address this issue and it's absurdity.  There is no secret that I do not support our current president's politics, and that I do try to bring to light the forgotten poverty stricken people who live in Appalachia.  Hey, I do not support many of the politicians in Washington though, as I do not feel that many of them really represent the people any more.  It's not a color thing, it's a human being thing.  I don't think they really care about human beings.

 

I can NOT agree with our president, and also NOT be a racist.  It seems like a radical thought, but it is a very real possibility.

 

I'm not sure how people come to the conclusion that someone is a racist when they have never met them.  To me, you are a person created by God, and God does not see the level of pigment in your skin.  I can appreciate all cultures that may include a group of people with common skin tones, but I also appreciate the culture of people with Down syndrome, CP, Hydrocephalus, etc. 

 

Being accused of racism is something that infuriates me.  It is a hate filled word, not to be taken lightly, and especially touches my heart, because I have friends of all cultures and colors.  The actual definition means to commit violence against people because of their race, or to believe that one race is better than another. This sickens me.  It sickens me particularly because one of my best friends is not of my race.  She and I have been friends for over 20 years.

 

(our eight grade dance)

 

Before assumptions are made.  I am not writing this to say, "oh I have a token black friend," no I'm writing this to say that you accusers need to be wary of your accusations.  I'm writing this, because my friend here, is like my sister....in fact she's been dating my brother-in-law for years.  So really, we might as well be sisters.

 

 

(us in high school)

 

I am addressing this, because I would give this friend my kidney.  She is a person, and believe it or not, it is possible to see people beyond their skin (while still appreciating and respecting their heritage). 

 

 

(pregnant with kid #1)

 

I feel like to accuse someone of racism (VIOLENCE against another race) is such a harsh judgment that people do not understand the impact.  When you accuse me, you are trying to devalue my relationship and admiration for someone that I've cared about for the majority of my life.  You devalue t\he fact that we as human beings are capable of loving people who do not look the same as us.  You strip all progress made from the people who marched for civil rights, and only spur efforts to create a racial divide once more.

 

(pregnant with kid #5)

 

I do not write to say, "look at me I have a black friend and I can't possibly be racist."  I write this to say look, I love this person like a sister, and you are trying to devalue that relationship with your ignorant accusations.  I say, people like you are the problem.  People like you aren't trying to solve the racial tensions in our world, you are trying to stir the pot, make yourself feel important and self righteous.  This girl is a part of my family from childhood, and still as girlfriend to my husband's brother (we did say we'd marry brothers one day).  You do not get to devalue our relationship. 

 

(Glory)

 

This is going to be my daughter.  Not because of some trend, but because she is a little girl in our world who needs a mom and dad. 

 

You do not get to devalue my love for her with your ignorance.  I do not love the people in my life who's skin is different from mine, because of some self important ideas.  No, I appreciate their differences (as I appreciate those with special needs), but in the end I love their soul. 

 

If you cannot find it in yourself to see loving someone above and beyond how they are different from you, then you may need to evaluate your self and your thinking.  You need to evaluate yourself before making heinous accusations.

 

 

 

Mothering in the Mundane

 

Have you ever had the urge to open Pinterest in your browser, and search for a fun activity as a parent?  Only to open up something that catches your eye, see a blog full of activities from another mother, and then proceed to feel completely inept as a mom?

 

Yeah, I find that if I search through Pinterest, I am continually overwhelmed with the feeling that I should be doing more fun activities.  How do these moms plan these ideas, execute them, take excellent pictures, and all the while have a clean house in the background! It's amazing. 

 

I am not that mom.  I am not condemning that mom at all, but I'm not her.  I don't feel guilty about that.

 

While I am crafty, I love to sew, I love to do all kinds of things with the kids, we do not have these elaborate fun things every day.  The days that we do have them, my house is not pristine in the background.  It's just not in my abilities I suppose.

 

So, I began to wonder about the memories that stand out most to me.  Do kids really care if I fill them full of these planned and creative activities. Will that be their childhood memories.  What will stand out?

 

When I was little, we lived in this apartment.  My mom would sit at the kitchen table and color with me.  I loved to color, and I always thought hers were a work of art.  She would let me crawl into her bed, and read me the Bible.  It was a simple thing, but it stands out in my mind.  Oh and Candy Land, she would play Candy Land with me over and over again.  In the chaos of my childhood, I find those memories full of peace and love.

 

Is that what our kids want?  Peace filled memories, those moments full of love, and what would that entail? 

 

The mundane moments!  Mothering in the mundane is when your true self will come out.  I sat in the floor with my kids for an hour a few days ago, just rolling the ball.  The baby would sit in my lap, and we would roll it to one of the bigger kids.  They had a blast chasing it.  We counted and practiced talking (because all play is learning right), and just rolled a ball. 

 

In the evenings, I pull out books, and I read to the kids.  I read to the kid who can read fairly anything himself.  We read everything.  It's time spent opening our minds to the worlds upon pages of excitement and adventure.  We take adventures together....will he remember? 

 

We have a big chest full of board games, and we have game time.  Anna is the uno champion, she never lets anyone else win.  I don't know how she does it. 

 

I watch them play outside, and they bring me a million weeds (ahem flowers).  They show me their skills, we might play a game of baseball, or I might teach them to do cartwheels (yeah it's a wee bit more painful in my thirties than it was as a kid). 

 

We sit at the table and eat with our kids.  I cook for them, and they watch or help.  We clean together, care for the animals together, and they get my time. 

 

I think the mundane moments are the moments most full of time well spent.  I believe that when you are just being, you are making the most powerful memories.  We live a legacy for our kids, I'm not very good at daily pinterest awesomeness.  I am good at giving time, at making the moments count.  I hope that my mothering and your mothering in the mundane moments are received by our kids as the moments my mom was...a mom!

 

What do you remember about your mom as a child?  I bet it wasn't daily inadequacy due to her not providing you endless creative activities to fill your day.  I bet it was her mom-ness.

 

 

Facing the Uknown

 

When we first heard about Glory, we were told she had hydrocephalus and global developmental delay.  This was something that "appeared" to be obvious.  We have put a lot of time into researching hydrocephalus and all that it entails.  She was expected to need shunt surgery, and we signed on to assume that cost.

 

It has been determined that she does NOT have hydrocephalus.  Celebration right?....

 

Not so much.

 

What she has now is a chronic brain bleed and brain shrinkage as a result of the pressure and hemorrhage.  So, we have to prepare for the many unknowns.  These types of brain bleeds are common in elderly people, but quite rare in small children.  The most common reason for this type of bleed is shaken baby syndrome.  However, there is a metabolic disorder that can cause it as well.

 

We do not know if she has the metabolic disorder.

 

Here is what we know....She's our Glory and we love her.  When I say that, I don't mean I've fallen in love and going to "try" to make this work.  NO, I mean every single person in this house has come to love this little girl across the world.  We have celebrated the progress she has made through pictures each week, we pray for her, and Grace talks all day long about how happy she is that Glory will be here soon.

 

We know that her case is sever enough that the adoption agency is trying to expedite her adoption.  Our home study will be complete tomorrow, and our dossier is complete minus the state seals and USCIS forms.  On that note, USCIS has told the agency to collect all medical information they can about her, we then have to have a doctor write a letter about the severity of her diagnosis.

 

We know that if it is the metabolic disorder, we are facing quite a different life.  She could have severe developmental delays, could have difficulty speaking and may need an AAC device, her muscle tone may be low and she could need a wheel chair, and she would need a strict vegetarian diet.  She will need surgery to relieve the pressure and repair the hemorrhage.  

 

Metabolic disorder or not, she will likely need a craniectomy.  She could have seizures, vision loss, cerebral palsy, ADD/ADHD, emotional disorders,  and immune function issues.

 

It is an unknown situation.  It is possible that with early therapies, surgery, and diet, she could lead a fairly typical adult life one day. 

 

What do you do in this situation? 

 

We pray.  We weigh the possibilities of her condition against our current life and how it could impact the children and family dynamic we currently have.  We research the heck out of it, and consult neurology, family doctors, metabolic doctors, and the international adoption doctor. 

 

We make a decision, and not lightly nor blindly.

 

Life could be severely impacted by Glory's needs.  She could need care that we are unaccustomed to, even with two kids with Down syndrome.  It's going to be demanding, stressful at times, and scary.  It will require us to step even further out of our comfort zone, to rely fully on God, and to answer to those people who are negative about adopting a child that isn't "perfect." 

 

 

Will our kids be impacted?  Yes.  Will it be for the worse?  I hope not.  I hope that our children learn to love as Jesus loves us.  I hope our kids learn that people who require more effort on our part, are worthy of our compassion and respect.  I hope our children learn to be less selfish, not value things of this world, and instead lead a life of service to others. 

 

Service to ourselves does not lead us down the right path.  There is nothing to be gained by fleshly living.  If there were, then the wealthy and the self absorbed people of the world wouldn't be constantly trying to buy more, make more money, prove themselves the be the best/hottest/thinnest/most athletic, etc. 

 

When we die, we will not be remembered for the money we had, our youthful looks, how much we could exercise, etc.  No, we will either be remembered as a good and faithful person, or a lover of ourselves.  The latter has no legacy. 

Dating..of the "up" kind

Well folks we are in our busiest time of year, it's summer time around here, even though summer hasn't technically begun.  The grass is growing faster than we can keep up with, it does this every year, I'm kind of threatening it right now as I can visibly see it growing by the second...not fair I tell ya.

The goats need us.  It's quite a bit more chaos this year, we doubled our herd since Sierra had twins.  Lily and Meat are growing...yes there will be pictures.  Blizzard has become an addict, and we've put her in rehab.  Poor thing, she refuses to wean, just refuses, so now she's been separated.  Every time we let her loose, she runs over to try and nurse, and it's all, "come on ya big teenager goat, you're almost as big as your mom, give it up!"

I registered Andy for summer camp this year.  It cost me ten dollars for a week of over night camp...win!  Being the biggest kid, he's kind of singled out here.  Anna and Tanner have not only each other, but they function at the same level as Grace, so the two babies and them are besties.  It will be good for Andy to have a little time away.

The kids are having a blast at Cowboy Up for Christ.  I am having a blast as well.  I know that no one wanted to volunteer to run the fishing program, but we are loving it.  I feel like we are winners (touching worms aside), because we get to chat it up with the kids every week.  They are awesome...especially when we played the "how old is John" game :)  None of them can believe that Anna is going to be 11 soon, but I've tried to convince them that it's true.

So, five kids, six goats, 22 hens, 11 acres to upkeep...oh yeah! It's gardening time.  That is the time of year when we attempt to grow this big garden full of awesomeness, but seemingly fail at one or two (ahem...or all) vegetables. John planted three peach trees, two pear trees, three more apple trees, an apricot tree, and a plum tree this year as well.  The strawberries are looking promising, I think I could survive off of strawberries alone, you know...if they were in season all year at my house, because if I had to buy them at the grocery I wouldn't be able to afford them.

On the adoption front, we have had news of Glory's diagnosis.  She was originally said to have hydrocephalus, but we have learned that she has a chronic brain bleed and cerebral atrophy.  This is a much more severe diagnosis, and the agency is attempting to expedite the case.  I'll do a separate post on that tomorrow.

I do love this season.  The birds chirping, windows open....KIDS OUTSIDE!!!!!

I'm sorry can you see my excitement! I love kids being outside, we go out for hours each day, and while some of them (and myself) love it, some are still trying to get used to it....five years later.

Online Dating and Adoption

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys, I used to be a little creeped out by online dating.  It was strange to think that a person could meet their spouse online, without ever meeting and fall in love, via a computer!  How is that even possible?  Could you truly and really love someone you had never physically laid a finger to?

 

I know how it is possible now though.

 

You see, I have fallen in love online.....

 

Now wait ya'll, I am not implicating that I'm leaving my amazing best friend/handsome hubby/soul mate  and scooping up some fresh piece of male meat off of the internet...no, definitely not!

 

 

I have fallen in love, a tender, wonderful, mother heart kind of love with this little girl.  Her pictures are changing each week, she is growing through our screen on Friday afternoons.  We are seeing those little infant features, that follow a baby into toddlerhood disappear, with what always happens at this age, when the preschool sized little human presents itself.  She is drifting into a new age and time of life, without me. 

 

Together, our little nuclear family (plus my two sisters who rock socks) have been cheering through the progress we have seen of weekly photos.  Glory has made leaps and bounds of progress, without me.  She is facing a major surgery, and I am pained to think of her not having me there.  I am fearful for the high statistics of infection rate, I just long to wrap my arms around her, and have her safe here.  She needs a mom and dad.  I feel like I am her mom, and there is this uncertainty looming over our heads of when we will get to be together.  I know we will though, and I know that it will be all but a memory once we are, this looming anticipation and anxiety over the wait. 

 

And then I feel sadness.  Where is her birth mom?  Did she die, was she sick and could not care for Glory, did her special needs present more than they could afford?  All of that breaks my heart.  For I love her birth mom as well....someone I've never met, never seen a picture of, and probably will never be in the presence of.

 

How do you explain to someone who has never been in this situation, just how much you can love a person whom you have never met? 

I suppose I'll just tell them it's kind of like online dating ;) oh or maybe facebook friendships.......

 

 

 

 

Dear Mother in Baltimore

I have seen you go viral over the last twenty-four hours.  There are a great number of people singing your praises, and there are a great number of people condemning you. 

You saw your son, a 16 year old man sized person, standing in a group of others, assaulting police officers.  The tensions were high, the danger was massive, and you were scared and outraged. 

I am sure that seeing your son in the midst of that crowd was very surprising to you.  It could not have been easy seeing your adult sized offspring acting violently towards an officer of the law.  I imagine that with all of the violence occurring around your son, it must have been so frightening, and I can imagine frantically thanking the Lord that he was not harmed.

Your actions towards your son spoke of a frightened and overwhelmed mother.  Some criticize those actions.....However, I commend you for taking action.  Instead of encouraging your son to act violently towards the men and women out there trying to uphold the law and protect us, you took action.  Instead of being an absent parent, ignoring your son, you stepped up to stop him in his tracks.  Instead of being one of the "parents" out there hooked on drugs instead of being involved in their kids' lives, you found your son, and rescued him.

The people out there saying that your actions were not the answer do not give an answer as to what exactly you should have done that would have been effective.  Should you have casually walked up to your son, had a lengthy discussion as to why his actions were dangerous, and then calmly asked him to leave?  Amidst such violent chaos? I don't suppose that would have been received well.

Should you have let your son continue his violence towards police, and then waited until he came home (if he came home and didn't get killed in action), to address his misbehavior out of the public eye?

I'm not sure what those nay-sayers would deem an appropriate response, but I can say this.  In a day when children have been taught to be self absorbed, to not be punished when they commit crimes, and in a world where people are flocking to terrorist organizations.....I say thank you.  Thank you for stepping in and keeping your son from becoming a statistic, a prisoner, a young victim of the violence. 

We have people who jump at the chance, any chance to destroy others' property and steal from local businesses.    We have teenagers who think it's great to pour urine all over special needs class mates.  We have a generation of young people who lack respect for authority.

So, were your actions mother-of-the-year actions....no, but hey, I'm no mother of the year myself.  Were your actions just that...ACTION...


YES!

You took action to get your son out of that situation.  Who are we to say that you could have approached it any other way? 

I say thank you for being an active parent.